TruAdopt Law

The Things People Say to Birth Moms

Thu, 06 Dec 2018 20:18:00 GMT

The Things People Say to Birth Moms appeared first on TruAdopt Law .

Justice for All: Why Adoptive Parents Should Insist on Separate Representation for Expectant Parents

Tue, 04 Dec 2018 17:50:00 GMT

Does an expectant mother who is placing her baby for adoption really need her own, separate attorney? At first consideration, adding another lawyer to the mix may seem like overkill. After all, it’s not like the adoptive parents and the expectant parents are adversaries. Because hey, in an adoption, everyone’s working toward the same goal, right? The expectant mother has clearly made her wishes known – she has fallen in love with a wonderful couple and wants to place her unborn baby for adoption with them. The adoptive parents’ feelings are mutual and they are very excited about the match. Since their initial meeting, they’ve been spending time together, building trust and anticipating baby’s arrival. All good! Why should we then force everyone to lawyer up? Isn’t that just a waste of money? Adoption is expensive enough. Should the adoptive parents be required to pay yet another professional? Besides, if we throw another lawyer into the mix, isn’t he or she just going to stir up trouble in adoption paradise?

When a birth mother signs a relinquishment for adoption, she is agreeing to permanently sever her legal relationship with her child and voluntarily deprive herself of the fundamental right to the care, custody and control of that child. Once the consent paperwork is signed and her revocation period has expired, that right is gone forever. Ironically, in the majority of adoptions in this country, the adoptive parents are the only ones who have to have an attorney advising them about their legal rights. The adoptive parents, who are typically college-educated, financially stable and on average, 15-20 years older than the expectant mom, are usually the only ones in an adoption who have a legal advocate protecting their interests and advising them about their rights and responsibilities under the law.

When an expectant mother who doesn’t have her own attorney has a question about the legal process, she has three very problematic options: she can ask her social worker, ask the adoptive parents’ attorney or ask Google.

Some of the questions we commonly hear from our expectant mother clients are:

1. Should I tell the birth father about my pregnancy?
2. How can I be sure the adoptive parents will abide by our contact agreement? What will happen if they stop communicating with me?
3. If I accept living expenses from the adoptive parents will that affect my right to continue collecting welfare?
4. In an interstate adoption, which state’s laws will apply to the adoption? How do the laws differ?
5. When will my consent to the adoption become permanent?
6. What happens if CPS gets involved after my baby is born?
7. What happens if the adoptive parents change their mind about wanting to adopt after my baby is born?
8. Will I be given a copy of my adoption paperwork?

While most adoption attorneys and agency social workers I know strive to be ethical in the way they practice adoption, they create a conflict for themselves when they allow an expectant mother to proceed through an adoption unrepresented.

When an agency social worker is required to advise the expectant mother about legal issues such as the ones noted above, she is engaging in the unauthorized practice of law, a crime in most states. She is also acting in violation of the National Association of Social Worker’s (NASW) Rules of Ethics which stress that those not legally certified should refrain from interpreting the law as it applies to another’s situation.

When an attorney is representing the adoptive parents, his duty is to advocate for his clients’ best interest, not for the expectant mother’s. Allowing an expectant mom to go through the adoption process without her own separate attorney creates a clear imbalance of power which puts the adoptive parents (and the entire adoption) at risk. Best practice (and basic common sense) dictates that all parties in an adoption should have access to separate legal representation.

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Can a Court Force Someone to be Friends? : Enforcing a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement

Tue, 02 Oct 2018 23:32:00 GMT

TruAdopt just concluded a year and a half long case in which we represented a birth mom in an attempt to enforce a post adoption contact agreement. The challenges were many, namely:

Once TruAdopt filed a motion with the court to enforce or modify the agreement, we were presented with a dilemma common to these cases: the more birth mom pushed to enforce her rights, the more understandably resistant the adoptive family became. The reality of litigation is that it can get very ugly. As soon as declarations are filed, folks start saying derogatory things about one another, thus making the relationship even worse than it already is. While we were always mindful to avoid saying anything irreparably negative, we knew that going to trial had the potential for permanently destroying any real relationship, even if a court ruled in favor of contact. We were pleased, therefore, when the case resolved at a judicially supervised settlement conference. Hundreds of pages of declarations, exhibits, and arguments boiled down to the parties agreeing to a very reasonable agreement that places the child’s best interests at heart. The lessons we learned are these:

A good contact agreement at the beginning solves potential problems before they arise.

A good agreement needs to be specific! It should be written assuming that the parties will not always get along perfectly. Hopefully, the relationship will grow organically over time and contact will be free and easy. However, people and circumstances change. Write an agreement that will protect everyone’s interests, especially the child’s, even if things go wrong.

Both parties must be represented by their own attorney at the time the agreement is signed!

A social worker is not a lawyer and, while social workers are excellent at many things, they should not be the ones who are drafting legal documents. It’s also vital that each party be given the opportunity to ask an attorney about any questions they have about the enforceability or terms of the agreement. Clarity at this step is paramount!

Birth moms must be given a copy of the contact agreement once it is filed by the Court.

Even though she will probably be given a copy of the agreement at the time it is signed, it’s important that she receive a filed copy of it as well (the agreement usually won’t be filed until it is incorporated into the final adoption order). It is her attorney’s responsibility to ensure she receives the filed copy.

Education on Open Adoption, including its challenges, and counseling can be crucial to a successful relationship.

In order to reach a settlement, we enlisted the help of adoption therapists who could educate the parties on the benefits and challenges of open adoption. Counseling was also crucial. The adoptive parents needed help addressing some of their fears concerning allowing someone into their lives who may not share all of their values and the birth mom needed counseling to address her adoption-related grief and to help her form realistic expectations for what an appropriate relationship might look like. In our case, the counseling came after the relationship had broken down. It would have been so much better if the parties had enjoyed that kind of education and counseling at the start of the relationship!

Grace goes a long way.

There’s a very good chance that the birth and adoptive parents share very different life experiences, attitudes, and values. While they may not always agree with one another or even like one another, they can agree that the child’s best interests should be primary. They all love the child and can at least agree on that. Grace and forgiveness will very likely be necessary to maintain a positive relationship with one another. While extending that isn’t easy and comes at a personal cost, the benefit the child receives when they realize that their birth and adoptive parents have agreed to set aside differences in order to love them better, is great.

The post Can a Court Force Someone to be Friends? : Enforcing a Post-Adoption Contact Agreement appeared first on TruAdopt Law .

Birth Mothers are Often Forgotten on Mother’s Day. Let’s Change That.

Tue, 13 Mar 2018 18:00:00 GMT

Love and Appreciate Birth Moms this Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day, we’re partnering with Kelsey, Birth Mom and Founder of From Anotha Motha to make sure that Birth Mothers are not forgotten this Mother’s Day. It’s important to love and appreciate these women for the mothers that they are.

How to get involved?

It’s as simple as getting a Mother’s Day card, writing a thoughtful note, and sending it to:

From Anotha Motha
P.O. Box 504, Carmel, IN 46082

Be sure to visit the link below to read up on things to keep in mind as you write your note.

Learn More!

Visit www.fromanothamotha.com/get-involved to learn more about this awesome project!

Look Good + Do Good = A Happy Valentine’s Day

Wed, 07 Feb 2018 21:37:00 GMT

Our friends at AdoptMatch are hosting a t-shirt campaign in support of Birthmom Buds. They are a nonprofit organization that has been providing emotional support to birth moms since 2003 through their unique buddy system, hosting chats, forums, and annual birth mother retreats.

When you buy a t-shirt or sweatshirt, you will be helping to send a birth mom to a support retreat where she can experience a life-changing weekend of reflection and healing with fellow birth mothers and mentors. Find out more info on their 2018 Retreat here !

Help us in letting birth mothers know: “We acknowledge your grief. We care about you. And we are here to advocate for you .”

SHOP + SUPPORT BIRTH MOTHERS

Read More

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TruAdopt Happenings: First Birth Mother Support Group of 2018

Fri, 19 Jan 2018 18:21:00 GMT

Birth Mother Support Group

We’re excited for what’s to come for our Birth Mother Support Group. Our first session happened this past week, and thanks to Lifetime Healing LLC’s curriculum and the amazing group of women, we can already see the positive things to come for the California Support Group. It’s encouraging to see post-placement support for birth mothers becoming a reality.

Our support group happens every month in the Los Angeles area, locations vary. If you’re interested in attending or learning more about it, please contact Emily at emily@truadopt.org .

Start the Year Off Right

Wed, 03 Jan 2018 23:51:00 GMT

Welcome to 2018!

It’s 2018, which means it’s the start of TruAdopt Blog’s second full calendar year since our mid-2016 launch. We’ve already reflected back on highlights from 2017 , and today we want to take a quick moment to share a motivational quote to start the year off right.

Our hope is that 2018 would bring you growth, strength, healing, and joy!

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Happy New Year! Top Posts of 2017

Fri, 29 Dec 2017 12:00:00 GMT

2017 Recap

2017 was an amazing year! This past year brought the official launch of AdoptMatch , the ///A Conference in Montreal , and the start of our Birth Mother support group . We are so amazed by all the positive changes happening in the adoption community and look forward to all the exciting things to come in 2018.

Our hope for next year is that we would continue to support and educate our communities on the importance of post-placement support for birth mothers and the need for separate representation.

Today, let’s take a look back at the top posts (based on the number of visits) of 2017. Take a moment to read through them and learn something new!

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

Fri, 22 Dec 2017 12:00:00 GMT

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from TruAdopt!

We can’t thank you enough for all your support throughout the year. We’re excited for what’s to come in the adoption community. We hope you have a safe and fun season filled with the ones you love.

Love,
The TruAdopt Team

Read More:

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Lifetime Healing Event: Photo Recap

Wed, 15 Nov 2017 22:01:00 GMT

It’s been a week since the Lifetime Healing Training and Birth Mother Support Group. Ashley Mitchell of Lifetime Healing & Big Tough Girl delivered an amazing session on how we can better support a woman after she has placed a child for adoption. The reality is, there’s grief involved in the healing process. As adoption professionals, we need to be aware of that reality so we can better support Birth Mothers. As a community, we need to do everything we can to listen and be there for women who are hurting. Post-placement care is a great need in the adoption industry, and we are hopeful that more and more organizations will help Birth Mothers get the resources they need to heal after placement.

Adoption professionals from Family Connections Christian Adoptions , Heartsent Adoptions – Pasadena , Claris Health , and AdoptMatch joined us for a full day of training. We were so encouraged by the insights of each individual, and we hope the adoption community will continue to work toward making post-placement care for Birth Mothers a reality!

Thank you FCCA for allowing us to partner to bring Lifetime Healing to Southern California and for leading the charge to make post-placement care for birth mothers reality in each and every adoptive placement.

Here are some photos from the event:

Thank you to FCCA, Heartsent Adoptions, Claris Health, and AdoptMatch for your dedication to ethical and compassionate adoptions!

Here’s Ashley Mitchell, Birth Mother and founder of Big Tough Girl & Lifetime Healing LLC talking about the vital need for post-placement care for Birth Mothers. What an amazing way to spend World Adoption Day.

So inspired by the wealth of knowledge and experience from this group. Your insights helped us better understand how we can support women post-placement.

Left to right: Katie (Caseworker), Emily (Marketing Director), and Megan (Caseworker)

Emily, Ashley, and Celeste (TruAdopt Founder & Adoption Attorney)

FCCA and Claris Health

Wayne (FCCA) and Celeste

THANK YOU, Ashley Mitchell for spending the day with us, talking about the vital need for post-placement care for Birth Mothers!

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Open Invite: Birthmother Support Group, Nov. 9

Fri, 03 Nov 2017 19:24:00 GMT

Calling all Southern California Birth Mamas! You are invited to the Lifetime Healing LLC Birth Mother Support Group + Celebration Dinner led by Ashley Mitchell, fellow Birth Mother + Founder of Big Tough Girl.

WHEN: November 9th at 6:00 PM – 9:00 PM⠀
LOCATION: Pasadena, California⠀
WHO: Any and all birth mothers! (whether you placed yesterday or 50 years ago)⠀
To RSVP + for exact location details, please email emily@truadopt.org⠀

Read More:

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Spotlight: Ashley Mitchell of Lifetime Healing + Birth Mother Support Group Launch!

Wed, 18 Oct 2017 21:41:00 GMT

We are so excited to announce our upcoming Lifetime Healing Birth Mother Support Group event happening on November 9 ^th , 6-9pm (more details coming soon)! We believe in the importance of post-placement care through community and counsel. We are so excited that Ashley Mitchell, birth mother, and founder of Lifetime Healing LLC & Big Tough Girl, will be leading the event!

Ashley’s Bio
Ashley Mitchell, the owner of Lifetime Healing, set out to change the thought that post-placement care wasn’t important. After a breakdown that took place almost 5 years after placing her son for adoption she knew that she needed to be able to talk to someone that would understand the trauma and loss of adoption for a birth mother. After months of research, she found very little that not only embraced her grief but that also encouraged her to heal and keep putting one foot in front of the other. After hitting dead end after dead end she decided she would start her own community in the off chance that there would be someone, anyone, out there that could benefit from support and vulnerability.

For almost a decade Ashley has been one of the most consistent and sought after Birth Mother voices in the nation. Well known for her vulnerability and transparency in adoption, her story has touched the hearts of countless members of the adoption triad. Her passion for post placement care and reform is contagious.

Ashley Mitchell and her experiences have been shared all over the country through nationally acclaimed writing series, award-winning service, television + radio interviews and hundreds of blogs + business sites. She is known for her vulnerability and realness through her speaking, writing, mentoring and advocacy work for the Adoption community.

Source: Lifetime Healing, LLC

Learn More About Ashley Mitchell

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Truths About Adoption: Closed Adoptions Edition

Wed, 13 Sep 2017 17:35:00 GMT

The “Basics” of Closed Adoption
Closed adoption is when no identifying information is shared between the birth and adoptive families. Closed adoption is also called “confidential” or “secret” adoption because the record of the biological parent(s) are kept sealed. Closed adoptions are rare in the United States, but were the norm in the past.

Just like open adoptions , the choice to move forward with a closed adoption will depend on your individual circumstances.

Pros and Cons
For the birth parent, potential advantages of closed adoption include a sense of closure and privacy. Potential advantages for the child include reduced risk of complications that arise from co-parenting or in some cases, protection from relationships with unstable birth family members.

Communication is Key
Communication and honesty are vital to the adoption process. It’s important to think through all these factors to determine what’s best for you and the child. In a closed adoption, communication is mediated by an adoption agency or attorney. If you’re deciding between an open and closed adoption, communicate your expectations, wishes, and desires. Talk through all your concerns with a professional to help you decide.

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Truths About Adoption: Open Adoptions Edition

Wed, 06 Sep 2017 17:10:00 GMT

The “Basics” of Open Adoption
There are varying degrees of open adoption. In the most general sense, “open adoption” simply means that the Birth Mother and the Adoptive Parents know one another. It may also mean that they have agreed to exchange emails, phone calls and perhaps in-person visits until the child turns 18. No two adoptions look the same.

You + Adoptive Parents + Adoption Professional
When considering an open adoption, it’s important to talk it through with your adoption professional. They can present different considerations tailored to your situation. If you would like an open adoption, it’s important to have a conversation about it with the adoptive parents and an adoption professional.

The Importance of PACA
Be careful here, though. Just because Adoptive Parents say they want an “open adoption,” doesn’t necessarily mean they desire ongoing contact with you. To ensure that everyone is on the same page, we recommend that a “Post-Adoption Contact Agreement” (sometimes referred to as a “PACA”) be drafted. This document would contain the specific terms governing contact and would be drafted by a legal professional, reviewed with your attorney and signed by both the Adoptive Parents and the Birth Mother. Some states regard these agreements as legally enforceable, but many do not.

An open adoption is a type of relationship, complete with ebbs and flows, changing over time. It’s a weighty decision to make, but there’s no doubt that with the proper consideration and counsel, you’ll know whether an open adoption is right for you.

Read More:

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Changing the Culture of Shame

Wed, 30 Aug 2017 18:47:00 GMT

On a recent trip from D.C., I took my seat on the plane and started to play my usual “Guess Their Story” game in my head. An older man took his seat next to me. Based on a handful of clues (brown sport coat, jeans, Apple laptop, messenger bag) I guessed that he was a professor traveling on business. I don’t usually get a chance to check my answers, so when he asked me if we could trade seats, I said “sure!” and struck up a conversation. I asked if he was traveling for business or pleasure (business – ding!) and what he did for a living (professor – ding again!). After patting myself on the back for winning this round of “Guess Their Story”, we continued our conversation. He asked me what I did for work and I started to talk about TruAdopt. I talked about our mission and how we are a nonprofit law firm dedicated to representing women who are placing a baby for adoption. I described a typical client and what she endures as she faces an unplanned pregnancy and decides to make an adoption plan.

When I stopped talking, there was a long pause. At first, I wondered if he had even been listening, but I could tell by the look on his face that he was letting it all sink in. More long pause. And then his entire demeanor changed and he began to share a story with me.

When he was a junior in high school a girl from his high school got pregnant. The rumor mill began to swirl and then…she was gone. No one talked about it – teacher, students, parents. Everyone knew that she had taken up temporary residence at the Pregnancy Facility two towns over. Tucked away from her family, friends, and community, doing her time, paying penance for her sin and getting rid of the evidence, while the father of the baby continued living as a regular high school boy, going to football games on Friday nights, studying for history tests and working part-time.

And then, nine months later, she was suddenly back. From the outside, she picked up where she left off and resumed normal life as though nothing had ever happened. Except, there was a certain aura of both scandal and shame that followed her through their high school graduation.

“The Baby Scoop Era”
His story came as no surprise to me. Reading excerpts from Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler opened my eyes to the fact that this experience was all too common from 1945 to 1973 or, as it’s commonly called, “The Baby Scoop Era.” It’s a book about a time when sex education was non-existent and cultural attitudes toward young girls were extremely regressive. Young girls who got pregnant were “persuaded” to surrender their baby to adoption and no one talked about it, ever.

I’m not naïve enough to think this scenario doesn’t still occur in 2017, but, I’m encouraged to see firsthand that domestic adoption industry has changed significantly in the last twenty, even ten, years . There are conversations taking place online and off about the good and bad of adoption, women who want to parent are at least being offered support, both from the private and public sector and importantly, there are support resources available for women who have made an adoption plan and who are grieving the loss of their baby.

Changing the Culture of Shame
I’m truly hopeful that these differences between the “old way” and the “new way” of doing adoptions will become even more pronounced. Education and transparency are the keys to remaining on that trajectory and being able to replace the “culture of shame” which was once not too long ago associated with placing a child for adoption with a culture of community, openness, and support.

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Adoption Best Practices

Wed, 23 Aug 2017 19:35:00 GMT

As an expectant parent, it can be incredibly overwhelming to start the adoption journey. The best thing you can do is take it one step at a time – do your research and reach out to an adoption professional for information. One of our goals is to provide expert information to help equip and educate. We have a downloadable Expectant Parents Guide to Adoption as well as a list of resources for birth mothers to help get you started.

We also have a page dedicated to Best Practices in Adoption . Today we’re sharing 5 of these best practices!

Best Practices in Adoption

1.Expectant Parents should receive thorough and independent options counseling prior to moving forward in the adoption process

2. Expectant Parents and Adoptive Parents should work collaboratively with the assistance of qualified, but separate, adoption professionals of their own choosing.

3. Expectant Parents and Adoptive Parents shouldn’t enter into an adoptive match until they have thoroughly explored one another’s expectations regarding a future relationship.

4. In choosing an adoptive family, an Expectant Mother should choose from a wide array of adoptive family profiles and should be presented with as many profiles as necessary in order for her to find a family that matches her criteria.

5. An Expectant Mother and Adoptive Parents should be given the opportunity to meet one another in person prior to the match , when at all possible.

View the complete list here .

If you haven’t found the answer to your question or if you’d like to speak with a professional please feel welcome to contact us !

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Pregnancy Tip No. 3: Is It Safe to Exercise During Pregnancy?

Thu, 03 Aug 2017 22:47:00 GMT

In most cases, exercise is safe during pregnancy. The first rule of thumb is that it’s safe to remain active during pregnancy if you were physically active before you were pregnant. Chances are, your health care provider will encourage you to remain active, as long as it’s comfortable and you have no other health conditions or concerns. To be safe, consult with your health care provider before starting any new exercise routine.

You may want to include these basic guidelines in planning exercise during pregnancy:

Source: American Pregnancy Association

What Sort of Ongoing Contact is Best?

Thu, 15 Jun 2017 18:44:00 GMT

Answering the Most Common Questions About Adoption

adoption triad

speak with an adoption professional

“Post-Adoption Contact Agreement”

Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption

here

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///A Conference 2017 – Montreal

Fri, 02 Jun 2017 17:44:00 GMT

Recap of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys Conference

The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys Conference took place in Montreal last month. Our founder Celeste Liversidge presented with attorneys Ted Youmans (Family Building – Anaheim, CA) and Robin Fleischner (New York/New Jersey) on the effectiveness and need for independent counsel for Expectant Mothers/Parents in adoption.

We also introduced AdoptConnect and AdoptMatch at the conference! Check out the links to learn more about these two brands.

Here are some photos from the event!

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A Gift for You!

Fri, 12 May 2017 15:00:00 GMT

Happy Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day!

For Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day, we wanted to show our appreciation for all the wonderful women out there with a special gift! This downloadable PDF features four inspirational quotes – each in a minimal black & white style that can be printed and framed. Our hope is that these prints will provide encouragement throughout the week!

Two 8×10″ versions of the following quotes are included:

Download Here: A Gift for You!

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Birth Mom Stories that Get to the Heart of the Matter

Thu, 27 Apr 2017 23:06:00 GMT

In a recent post , we shared how the hope and mission of all of us here at TruAdopt is to support expectant parents and guide them through their adoption journey. We strive to give birth mothers a voice and to spread awareness of struggle, pain, and joy that are all part of the process.

We want to share birth mom stories from three great organizations. These stories get to the heart of the matter — that placing a child is an act of selfless love. We are so moved and inspired by these women. We hope that these blog posts and videos will be as much of an inspiration to you as they are to us!

1. Hope Deferred and Longing Fulfilled: A birth mother opens up about the toughest choice she’s ever made
Claris Health Blog
This birth mother’s diary tracks the emotional journey from the positive pregnancy test to her daughter’s first birthday.

“My heart feels like a 100-pound weight is crushing it, splitting it in two. Yet in the depths of my soul, I know this is the right decision for my daughter and for everyone. The smiles of my daughter’s future parents give me greater joy than I can ever put into words.”

2. I Love My Son
The Archibald Project
How placing her son for adoption was the best decision she could make for her son.

“I want the world to know that I love my son, and I didn’t abandon him when I made the decision to place him for adoption. I remember talking to one of my co-workers when I was pregnant; he knew that I loved kids and wondered why I was making this decision. I told him that the decision wasn’t about me, it was about my son.”

3. Bravelove Stories
Bravelove
Bravelove’s series of adoption videos and documentaries are beautifully done and extremely moving. Birth moms Hannah and Sarah share their adoption stories.

Read More Like This:

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The TruAdopt Adoption Triad

Thu, 16 Mar 2017 18:53:00 GMT

The TruAdopt Adoption Triad Explained

Inform + Educate: Our goal is to make sure that everyone involved is given all the information needed throughout the adoption process. Our attorneys have two decades in this field and can provide helpful insight to both expectant and adoptive parents. Of course, TruAdopt is solely focused on expectant parent representation, so we want to make sure that they are given all the tools needed to make fully informed decisions.

Clear Expectations: What sort of ongoing contact is the best? Will the adoptive parents be there when I deliver? These are the types of questions for which you need answers. As an expectant parent, your concerns, no matter how seemingly trivial, are important and need to be answered. We are here to answer your tough questions.

Support for Everyone: All members of the adoption triad are supported in meaningful and practical ways. Our goal is “ You-centered guidance .” We offer expectant parents not only legal support, but very practical resources like referrals to options counseling and medical care, plus help meeting practical needs like housing and transportation.

Separate Legal Representation: Allowing an expectant parent to go through an adoption without their own attorney creates an inherent power imbalance with potential conflicts of interest. Expectant parents should be given separate legal representation, at no cost to them. Read more about separate legal representation here.

Children are the first priority: The child’s well-being is considered above all else. We offer options counseling to help expectant parents decide what is best for their child, and if adoption is chosen, we remind all of the parties to keep the child’s best interests as their number one priority.

Constant and Civil Communication: Our goal is respectful, honest and thorough communication… even when it’s difficult.

Provide a Different Element to Adoption Law: All of these things combined create “the TruAdopt difference.” We want expectant parents to feel loved, respected, and protected all at once. We are dedicated to respectful and compassionate legal representation for everyone involved in the adoption triad.

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Why We Should Care

Thu, 09 Mar 2017 19:11:00 GMT

Engaging with Adoption as an “Outsider”

Besides having close friends who have adopted a child, I don’t have any personal experience with adoption. A couple of my extended family members and friends have adopted or been adopted, but it was never a topic I spent time thinking about.

It wasn’t until I started working with TruAdopt when I started to wrestle with the realities of adoption. I learned about the emotion and struggle that exist in the relationship between expectant parents, adoptive parents, and their child. Though I don’t have to have a personal connection, I understand more and more why it’s so important to engage with people who are part of this journey. When you take the time to sit down and listen to these gripping stories, you realize how unique each story is and how precious these children are to them. I am now part of this, just by listening to and sharing. It’s okay to not have personal experience with adoption or placing a child with another family. If you want to make an impact, it’s enough to listen, ask sincere and loving questions, and share your new-found knowledge with others.

The hope and mission of all of us here at TruAdopt is to support expectant parents and guide them through their adoption journey. Like many other great organizations out there, our hope is to give often forgotten groups a voice and to spread awareness of the hurts, struggles, and pains that exist in our world. We exist to educate and give people a heart to love and serve people they’d probably never think to reach out to.

Why should we care? Because we all have stories of pain and struggle in our lives. The more we realize that, the more it motivates us to reach out to those in need. We can support communities, even the ones we don’t think we personally relate to. Let us support those within the adoption community regardless of our relation to it. Once you start to engage and listen, you might find a new connection that didn’t exist before. The best thing we can do for one another is to listen with a compassionate and open heart. If we do this, we just might witness and experience beauty in a new way.

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Puzzle Pieces – Part 2

Thu, 02 Mar 2017 18:00:00 GMT

A little more than eight years have passed since that life-changing visit with my Birth Mother, Robin. I’ve spent many hours processing our time together and pondering how we fit into one another’s lives. Relationships are complicated. Adoption is also complicated. My perspective on life and on myself has changed a lot since our first meeting. Some of that evolution relates to how I’ve come to understand the story of my adoption and some is simply the result of my being a twenty-something newlywed.

Robin and I have had two more visits since then. I even got the chance to meet my two half-brothers, Antonio and Victor. Antonio and I share striking similarities, which kind of blows my mind. Three years ago, Robin happily accepted my invitation to read scripture at my wedding. To stand at the altar next to my groom, with my mom and my Birth Mom both just a few feet away, was incredible.

Just before Robin left to go home after our first visit, she sat me down in our living room and handed me a journal. The outside of the journal was decorated with red and blue flowers and the inside was full of hand-written, heartfelt, soul-bearing pages. Robin had started the journal during her pregnancy with the intention of one day giving it to me.

During the past eight years, I’ve poured over each of its pages many, many times and never without tears. Those pages told me a story I never knew. Robin was 26 when she found out she was pregnant. She was overwhelmed and confused and didn’t know which direction to turn. My Birth Father wasn’t really in the picture after his family found out that Robin was pregnant, so she was left on her own. Not knowing where else to turn, she got in her car and drove to California from Louisiana to be near her mom.

Robin spent the next few months weighing her options and contemplating life as a single mother. She knew in her gut that despite how loudly her emotions were screaming, she couldn’t provide me with what she believed I deserved. She wanted to break the generational cycles of fatherlessness and instability that had defined her past. It wasn’t about money or material things but about giving me a loving, supportive family – a mom and a dad who loved each other and who could provide for my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. She deeply desired to be enough for me but selflessly chose to put my needs first.

That precious, flowery journal has provided insight into what Robin went through as she first made the decision against abortion and then later, for adoption. Though painful to read, those pages have helped me understand just how difficult, yet intentional her decision was. She wanted her enormous love to be enough for me, but she forced herself to face the reality of her situation. Her journal entry from Sept. 23rd, 1990 read: “I feel very angry that I don’t have the resources to keep her. I mean, if we could live off love, we would be very rich, but that is not the case.”

Reading Robin’s journal didn’t change the narrative for me. Her recorded version of the events mirrored what my parents had always told me growing up: “Your birth mom loved you and wanted the best for you.” But after reading her own words, in her own handwriting and hearing the intensity of her emotion in those pages, I realized for the first time how much Robin’s decision devastated her. And this realization, thus devastated me as well.

Sacrificial Love. Adoption is stone-cold sacrifice. It is the definition of love in action. Robin’s act of giving me life, placing me in the arms of my parents and then walking out of that hospital as she struggled with each step, epitomizes maternal love.

I do understand that this is just my story. I know that adoption impacts people in a myriad of ways. Regardless, this is my s tory. Thank you, Robin, for choosing to put me first, despite the cost to yourself. Thank you for having the courage to say “no,” to popular culture and for instead quieting your heart and refusing to be swayed.

You are my hero.

Your actions have caused me to ponder the question of what it means to love, even when it requires deep personal sacrifice. That is a rare kind of love, the kind that points me right back to the author of it all, my Heavenly Father.

Read Puzzle Pieces Part 1

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Puzzle Pieces – Part 1

Thu, 23 Feb 2017 17:41:00 GMT

I remember the day as though it were yesterday. I was so nervous. Pacing the kitchen floor, trying to find a way to occupy myself as I waited. “I am about to meet my birth mom,” I thought to myself. This was a day I had played out in my mind for 15 years. Even though I had spent some time with her as an infant and toddler, I had no actual memory of her. Yet, in a matter of minutes, she would be here, in my kitchen, face-to-face.

Megan and her birth mother Robin

I had spent the past 18 years feeling safe from, yet wildly curious about her – the “great unknown” (a.k.a. Robin) in my life and now that was all coming to an end — for better or for worse.

My adoptive mom and I had the visit all planned out. Mom would pick up Robin from the airport on her own, while I waited at home. They’d have some time to catch up before coming back to the house. I’d thought about everything – what I would wear, where I would stand and who would be there with me. But despite even all the planning, my anxiety level remained high.

As I heard the back door open, I took one last deep breath and walked in the kitchen, eager to offer a cheery, “hello!” The second I saw Robin, I was flooded with a rush of thoughts and emotions. She was so beautiful to me. As I said hello for the first time, I felt myself staring, trying to take her in. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be in the presence of someone who looked like me. I instantly recognized our similarities. I had her eyes, her mouth, her body shape. The familiarity was so comforting.

I will never forget hugging Robin for the first time. In that moment, despite all my worrying about how our visit would go and what the future would hold for us, I was absolutely certain that I had made the right decision in meeting her.

Our first visit together is mostly a blur now. It all was a lot to take in for both us, but my friends and family were very supportive and helped us both enjoy the week-long visit. I mostly remember how much I thoroughly enjoyed just being in Robin’s presence and the opportunity to give her a glimpse into my life, even if just a few days.

Our conversations over that week didn’t center around anything too heavy. We didn’t talk about her unplanned pregnancy, her adoption decision, or how that decision impacted either of us. We mostly just spent the time getting to know each other. I learned about her childhood and her two sons. She showed me photos from her family then and now. I showed her around my life – my high school, my church, the lake where my rowing team practiced and the nearby restaurant where my family has always celebrated special occasions. She met my best friend, Nora and my best guy friend, Michael (who is now my husband!). I soaked it all in. Every conversation and each silent observation offered me information I had always craved. One by one, the missing puzzle pieces of my life began to appear and fit together.

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Download The Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption

Fri, 17 Feb 2017 23:33:00 GMT

Our Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption is now available as a downloadable PDF! This resource outlines adoption terminology and carefully breaks down the process of adoption into seven steps.

Synopsis
The decision to place your baby for adoption is huge. It’s scary and requires courage. No doubt, it’s one of the most difficult things you’ll ever face, but it doesn’t have to be confusing. We designed this Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption to help you understand the adoption process from beginning to end and to put you in the driver’s seat on your adoption journey. Read it carefully and if you have questions, please feel free to contact us via phone or email.

Download The Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption

Click Below to Download The Expectant Mother’s Guide to Adoption

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Do Expectant Parents Really Need Their Own Attorney?

Mon, 13 Feb 2017 19:35:00 GMT

Why Adoptive Parents Should Insist on Separate Representation for Expectant Parents

“Do Expectant Parents really need their own attorney?” That’s a question I get asked often. After all, it’s not like the adoptive parents and the expectant parents are adversaries. In a good adoption, everyone’s working toward the same end — Expectant mom wants to place her unborn baby with a family she loves and trusts, and adoptive parents want to adopt a baby from someone they love and trust. All good! So why the need for everyone to lawyer up? Isn’t adoption expensive enough for the adoptive parents without having to add yet another expense to the mix?

While a good relationship is the foundation of an adoption, it is still a very weighty legal transaction. An expectant mom is agreeing to terminate her parental rights and give up her fundamental right to the care, custody and control of her child. Once her consent paperwork is signed and her revocation period has expired, that right is gone forever. Ironically, in the majority of adoptions in this country, it is only the adoptive parents who have legal representation. In those cases, adoptive parents, who are typically college-educated and on average 15-20 years older than the expectant mom, are the only ones being advised about the legal process by an attorney.

If an unrepresented expectant mom has questions about the legal process (including enforcement of a contact agreement, living expenses, which state laws govern the adoption, birth father rights and revocation periods), these questions are answered by either a social worker or by the adoptive parents’ attorney. While most adoption attorneys I know are ethical and compassionate, if an attorney represents the adoptive parents, their duty is first and foremost to the client, not to the expectant parent.

Allowing an expectant parent to go through an adoption without their own attorney creates an inherent power imbalance with potential conflicts of interest. To ensure a healthy adoption journey, it’s essential for expectant parents to have separate legal representation.

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What to Expect When Calling TruAdopt for the First Time

Thu, 09 Feb 2017 22:16:00 GMT

We get that it’s pretty intimidating to pick up the phone and say that you’re thinking of placing your baby for adoption. In fact, it’s probably one of the most difficult calls you’ll ever make. Not to worry. You won’t experience any judgment from us, AND we won’t ask you to fill out piles of forms. There will be lots of questions, but that’s because we want to help you make the best plan possible for you and your baby.

A Friendly Voice on the Other End of the Line
When you call TruAdopt for the first time, you’ll probably speak to our awesome legal assistant, Meghan (sometimes Jill or Celeste, yes, the two attorneys in the office answer the phone as well). We will tell you a little about our practice and explain the basics of what to expect if you decide to place your baby for adoption through our office. Our goal is to thoroughly educate you about adoption, so feel free to ask as many questions as you’d like.

You-Centered Guidance
If you live in the area, we will set up an appointment for you to come to our office near Los Angeles. If not, we’ll come to you or set up a telephone appointment. The first step is to make sure you’re fully informed about all of your choices and the resources available to you upfront: from options counseling, to medical care, to finding the right family for your child. We also help with very practical needs, like housing and transportation. If we can help, we’ve got you covered.

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Book Review: A Bump in Life by Amy Ford

Tue, 10 Jan 2017 23:52:00 GMT

Reading a book from cover to cover while on vacation is definitely one of my happy places, and ever since Amy Ford handed me a copy of her book, A Bump in Life , I knew it would find its way on to my packing list. Amy’s book is a compilation of stories from women who faced unplanned pregnancies — most at a very young age. Some had support systems, some had none, but all found unconditional love, acceptance and hope through Embrace Grace , a Texas-based nonprofit which provides an array of support services to pregnant women.

Amy founded the organization years after she struggled through her own unplanned pregnancy at 17. Many of the women featured chose to parent and some chose adoption, but each story was told with a strong dose of honesty about the difficult decision each one of these women faced after hearing the words, “You are pregnant.” It’s an inspiring, authentic, must-read from the perspective of birth mothers.

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Pregnancy Tip No. 2: Five Ways to Relieve Heartburn

Fri, 06 Jan 2017 18:44:00 GMT

Heartburn. Seriously? Isn’t that just for overweight old men? Unfortunately, it’s also for expectant moms. But don’t worry. It has nothing to do with your weight (well, maybe a little — the bigger tummy doesn’t help). Mostly, it’s due to one of those many hormones released during pregnancy — specifically progesterone. While it’s doing its important job of relaxing your uterus, it’s also relaxing the little valve that separates your esophagus from your stomach, which allows the gastric acids to shoot back up the pipe. So, there isn’t much you can do to relieve the root cause of the problem, but here are a few tips to minimize the effects:

5 Tips to Help Relieve Pregnancy Heartburn

1. Try to eat small, frequent meals rather than a couple of big ones in a day. Basically, don’t fill up too much in one sitting — avoiding lots of fluids with your meal may help too. Drink your water throughout the day, but maybe not at dinner.

2. Don’t eat right before bed. Give your food some time to digest before lying down.

3. Know what triggers it for you. Everyone has different food triggers; while caffeine, chocolate, and citrus are some common ones, yours could be different.

4. Sleep with your head slightly elevated.

5. Try some Tums, or other calcium and magnesium-based antacid. Don’t use any products containing aluminum or sodium bicarbonate, though. Nasty side effects.

Talk to your doctor about a stronger prescription if it’s really driving you nuts. You need your rest!

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Holiday Break!

Thu, 22 Dec 2016 00:03:00 GMT

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! We hope you have a safe and fun holiday filled with good times and loved ones. We’ll be back in a couple weeks with fresh blog posts.

-The TruAdopt Team

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The Importance of a Birth Mother’s Informed Consent

Fri, 09 Dec 2016 18:54:00 GMT

About Informed Consent
“Informed Consent” is a vital element in many areas of the law. A patient undergoing a medical procedure must give their informed consent to any potential side effects and risks. In the criminal law context, a person accused of a crime may not give up their right to a jury trial when entering into a plea bargain with the State until fully informed of their right to such. Today, parents must give their informed consent before their child is allowed to ice-skate or ride the bus to school. Surely few areas of life require more care than the decision to place one’s child for adoption. In adoptions, an expectant parent’s informed consent is absolutely vital to the integrity of the adoption.

Informed Consent and Adoption
Nolo’s Plain-English Law Dictionary defines informed consent thus: “An agreement to do something or to allow something to happen, made with complete knowledge of all relevant facts, such as the risks involved or any available alternatives.” If we want to be in the business of compassionate, respectful, legally-sound adoptions, we must make every effort to ensure that a birth mother is fully informed. Certainly, she must know each of her rights: her right to have her own attorney, her right to make an agreement with the adoptive parents about post-adoption contact (including her right to be fully informed of her state’s laws about whether or not that agreement will be legally enforceable), and her rights regarding financial support during her pregnancy.

Knowledge of Available Alternatives
Equally important to truly informed consent, as Nolo points out, is that expectant parents make their adoption plan with the knowledge of available alternatives. If we’re serious about educating expectant parents about alternatives, we must offer real options counseling with someone that has no financial stake in the ultimate decision. That excludes adoption attorneys, facilitators, adoption agency social workers, and Planned Parenthood. Women’s pregnancy clinics are usually a good place to find true options counseling. We’re happy to help connect you with options counseling in your area.

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Terribly Tricky Terminology

Wed, 30 Nov 2016 23:08:00 GMT

“ADOPTION-ESE” is a challenging language to master. And because it can be so emotionally loaded, we end up being on high-alert, eager to get it right. Here are a few basic definitions to help you navigate the adoption maze:

Expectant or Birth Parent
Basically, until baby is born and has been legally placed for adoption, we refer to a pregnant woman contemplating adoption, as an “Expectant Parent.” After placement, the term “Birth Mother” is typically used.

Placing Baby for Adoption
When an Expectant Mother chooses to make an adoption plan, she’s “placing her baby” for adoption, not “giving up her baby.” She’s making a deliberate and thoughtful choice to place her child into the care of the adoptive family she has chosen.

Open Adoption
There are varying degrees of open adoption. In the most general sense, “open adoption” simply means that the Birth Mother and the Adoptive Parents know one another. It may also mean that they have agreed to exchange emails, phone calls and perhaps in-person visits until the child turns 18.

Be careful here, though. Just because Adoptive Parents say they want an “open adoption,” doesn’t necessarily mean they desire ongoing contact with you. To ensure that everyone is on the same page, we recommend that a “Post-Adoption Contact Agreement” (sometimes referred to as a “PACA”) be drafted. This document would contain the specific terms governing contact and would be drafted by a legal professional, reviewed with your attorney and signed by both the Adoptive Parents and the Birth Mother. Some states regard these agreements as legally enforceable, but many do not.

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Truths About Adoption: Honesty and Communication

Wed, 09 Nov 2016 18:52:00 GMT

Every adoption story is different, and the happy ones don’t always make it to the blogosphere. Let’s face it: if you search the internet for stories from adult adoptees you’re going to get more than you may want — the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Root Cause
If you scratch the surface a bit, you’ll find that the root cause of most of the ugliness out there is that one or both parties violated the other’s trust. Somebody lied, withheld important information, or went back on their word. Child-centered adoptions MUST be built on trust and honesty. Period. Be honest with the adoptive parents you have chosen. Be honest with your agency, or attorney, or social worker. Listen to your gut and demand honesty from them too.

If you scratch the surface a bit, the root cause of most of the ugliness out there is that one or both of the parties violated the other’s trust

Ensure a Healthy Adoption Story
There are many positive adoption stories out there, too. These stories usually involve open and honest relationships. Communication is key, even when it’s hard. Open up about fears, apprehensions, and concerns. It may be nerve-racking or feel unnatural at first, but it’ll pay off in the end.

Posts Like This:
• A Birthmother’s Need for Representation
• Best Practices in Adoption

The post Truths About Adoption: Honesty and Communication appeared first on TruAdopt Law .

Ensure a Healthy Adoption Story
There are many positive adoption stories out there, too. These stories usually involve open and honest relationships. Communication is key, even when it’s hard. Open up about fears, apprehensions, and concerns. It may be nerve-racking or feel unnatural at first, but it’ll pay off in the end.

Posts Like This:
• A Birthmother’s Need for Representation
• Best Practices in Adoption

The post Truths About Adoption: Honesty and Communication appeared first on TruAdopt Law .

Pregnancy Tip No.1

Wed, 02 Nov 2016 17:44:00 GMT

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Vanessa’s Story

Thu, 11 Aug 2016 19:44:00 GMT

I celebrated my 22nd birthday on a Tuesday and found out I was pregnant the next Monday. This was not good news. My relationship with the baby’s father was full of drama – we were always breaking up and getting back together and neither of us had steady jobs. After I showed him the pregnancy test and the two pink lines (crap!) we were determined to make our relationship work. Things were actually pretty good between us for a while, but we of course started fighting again. I realized that we were not going to be able to be good parents to this little girl. I thought about abortion and actually made an appointment at PP, which I never showed up for. I already loved her and just couldn’t walk in there.

My best friend at the time had an aunt who worked at an adoption agency in Southern California, so I called them to find out what adoption was all about. I don’t know exactly why, but I never felt comfortable with the agency. The man assigned to help me was super nice, but I think I always felt like a number. He sent me a giant box full of forms to fill out and booklets of information about different families. I got overwhelmed and just sort of froze up. I think I was in denial for a while after that because I let almost three months go by and just did nothing, which is never a good way to deal with your problems! My mom kept bugging me about my decision, but I did a really good job of blowing her off.

Finally, when I was almost 7 months pregnant, I randomly started talking to this woman in the bathroom at a concert. She had her baby with her and told me that they had just adopted him from Texas. I very casually asked her who had helped with their adoption and she gave me Celeste’s contact information. I called the next morning and met with her at my house that afternoon. Everything felt different after that. I told Celeste what I wanted in a family – there were certain things that were very, very important to me and I worried that I wouldn’t be able to find a family that I really liked. I didn’t want to just be fine with the family, I wanted to feel great about them.

I narrowed my choices down to three families and met them all in person at Celeste’s office. I was exhausted by the end of that day. By the weekend, I had chosen the family and the plan was in place. My stress level went way, way down.

My baby girl was born almost a month early. I spent time with her in the hospital which I highly recommend doing. One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done in my whole life was leaving the hospital without my daughter. It helped knowing that I would be seeing her again in a few months. My parents both had a hard time too, but they love the family who adopted her.
My life has changed so much since the adoption. I’m now married…and pregnant! We actually just bought a condo. I’m still in contact with the adoptive parents (though not as often as in the beginning) and they keep me updated about my daughter’s life, which helps a lot. I know they are open to letting me visit again when I’m ready, but I haven’t wanted to in the last few years.

People sometimes ask me if I regret my decision, since I’m now married, stable and have a job. I get frustrated by that question because I can’t compare my circumstances now to how they were 6 years ago. Back then, I had to deal with the reality of how my life was when I got pregnant. I wasn’t stable and was in a bad relationship. So my answer is NO! I’ll never regret the sacrifice I made to give my daughter the gift of her adoptive parents and sisters.

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Our New Digs

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 22:03:00 GMT

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A Birthmother’s Need for Representation

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:59:00 GMT

A birthmother placing her baby for adoption should have her own legal representation, separate from that of the adoptive parents. Unfortunately, in the majority of adoptions it’s only the adoptive parents who have an attorney. TruAdopt seeks to ensure that birthmothers understand the legal process and have an opportunity to pose important questions to an attorney whose sole responsibility is to advocate for her. While adoption is definitely a collaborative effort between adoptive parents and the birthmother, it’s essential that all parties be fully informed of their rights.

An Expectant Parent’s Guide to Adoption

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The Birth of TruAdopt – Part 3

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:59:00 GMT

The Necessity of Adoption Law

TruAdopt is a law firm that represents only expectant parents (mostly birthmothers) who want to make an adoption plan for their unborn baby. We use our vast network of social workers, adoption agencies, therapists and other attorneys to help our clients find the right adoptive family and establish the support system they need throughout their pregnancy and beyond. We educate our clients about adoption; including post-adoption contact, long before they’re asked to sign legally binding adoption consents.

Do you need an Adoption Attorney?

People sometimes think of adoption law as “happy law.” In fact, when I tell people what I do, I’m usually met with an “aw, that must be so awesome.” While there are definitely some heartwarming moments along the way, in reality, it’s a complicated area of the law. If handled inexpertly, devastating consequences may ensue.

Adoption practitioners must be knowledgeable regarding termination of parental rights, state laws (which often conflict in interstate adoptions), penal codes which carry potential criminal liability if violated, contracts regarding post-adoption contact as well as various federal laws, including the very complicated Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA). Working with a qualified adoption attorney who understands adoption law offers the birthmother the peace of mind she needs to focus on her pregnancy, her relationship with the adoptive parents, and her future.

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The Birth of TruAdopt – Part 2

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:58:00 GMT

A New Approach to Adoption Law

Since I’m quite friendly and have a law degree, I knew I could excel in all manner of sales jobs – from real estate to mutual funds. Even so, I wasn’t ready to walk away from what I had always considered my life’s calling, so I did nothing. I knew I couldn’t continue practicing adoption law in the “business as usual” manner of the past 15 years, but wasn’t sure how to bring change. When people asked, I told them that I was “on a sabbatical” or “working on a book project” or “focusing on raising my kids.” While my responses weren’t actual lies, they weren’t the real reasons behind my career slowing down. “I’m having a crisis of calling” would have been more honest, but it is a bit heavy for the average, casual chat.

While on sabbatical, I began studying the problems with the domestic adoption industry. My study involved a great deal of reading about adoption from the perspective of birthparents and adoptees and listening as they relayed their experiences — both before placement and years afterward. I read close to 100 adoption blogs from start to finish. I listened to numerous podcasts by adoptees, birth parents, adoption facilitators, counselors, consultants, social workers and other adoption attorneys. I met with dozens of adoption professionals to ask them how we, as the greater adoption community, could do better. What emerged was TruAdopt , a new approach to the practice of adoption law.

The Birth of TruAdopt – Part 3

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The Birth of TruAdopt – Part 1

Mon, 08 Aug 2016 21:48:00 GMT

Realities of the Adoption Industry

Three years ago, I started feeling a growing unease at work. I loved what I was doing — practicing adoption law — but was routinely frustrated by the way birthparents and adoptive parents were treated by those in the adoption industry (yes, it’s an industry) who were supposed to be offering expert guidance. While we were helping birthmothers find forever homes for their babies and adoptive parents fulfill their dreams of building a family, the aftermath was much less pretty than typically depicted on the Hallmark Channel.

Adoptive parents, while normally thrilled to be parenting their new bundle of joy, can feel beaten down, broken and resentful by the time baby is born. Birthmothers, who have lost the attention of adoptive parents and are grieving the loss of their baby, are often left without any support. They wonder if they made the right decision and whether the adoptive parents will disappear now that paperwork has been signed and baby, delivered.

I tried unsuccessfully to reassure myself that this is just the way it works. That adoption is complicated and has built-in limitations. But after two or so years of repeatedly having that conversation with myself, I came to the hard and fast conclusion that I may be better-suited for another line of work.

The Birth of TruAdopt – Part 2

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